Still Life

I don't know how long I've been standing here, thinking of that one still moment of life... when I watched death take the last breath from my dad as his eyes closed in sleep.

The clock on the wall says it's been awhile.

I search my mind for answers but all I find are misty thoughts, drifting like dust off the sun rays intruding through the kitchen window.

Morning comes calling again and I am no more sure of anything today than I was yesterday or the day before. Death has left me feelingless and faint. My eyes are lidless. I cant sleep. Night becomes day, day becomes night. It's all the same. People have become a haze. I speak, they speak... but nothing touches or moves me.

Death visited... and took away my heart.

Just how long does time take to heal all wounds?
Does life really go on after death?
And where is that tunnel... with the light at the end?

My whole world is sinking into an ocean of change- this year this, last year that. It's all being re-arranged. But I smile, pretend everything's okay, hold back the tears and start to walk away...

Then, I recall what dad said to me one day as I sat by him, his hand in mine...

He looked over at me and said, "I Know You Love Me".

And I weep.

Not for him, he's in a better place, having a better time. I weep for me, and for that empty chair he left behind- that poor lonely lift chair, and for the razor I used to shave him with every morning, and for the glasses he wore to read his bible, and for the blue I'll no longer see in his eyes...and for mom.

Still, life hangs around, waiting for me to return.

And... I will.