Wednesday, September 9, 2009

A heart. A bird. An artificial rose.

Because my heart is SO EMOTIONAL, I sometimes wish I could take it out and leave it somewhere that I am not. Just as some take vacations from their job or school, I want a vacation from my heart. I just don't want to feel anything for a while. Go about one day at least, just on my mind alone. Wonder how far my mind alone would take me?? Hmm.

Ah, if I were a bird. I wonder if birds
feel emotion. They seem to fly about so freely, without a care in the world. But I am sure, even birds have emotional days when they feel their attempts go unappreciated.

Maybe I could be an inanimate object for one day. Yes, maybe that.

Perhaps, like the artificial rose my eldest son gave me when he was only nine (he's 29 now). That rose, and the thought behind it, makes me smile each time I look at it. I remember the day he brought it to me, and that huge smile on his face. He ha
d asked earlier if he could have some money to get something from the convenience store down the street, so, I gave him a couple of dollars thinking he would buy himself a soda and snack. A few minutes later he comes in with his hands behind his back. "Whatcha got there?" I ask. He smiles timidly and says, "I got you something." I smile back and say, "Oh, yea?" He then pulls out this beautiful, single, red-velvet rose in a tiny crystal vase (3 inches, altogether) and proudly hands it to me.

I about cried. I hugged him to death, thanked him, then asked, "Well, what did you get yourself?" He said, "I didn't want anything, just wanted you to have this." Have you ever heard of anything sweeter?

So, where was I?... oh, yes... I think I would like to be that tiny velvet rose in that tiny crystal vase, even for just a day, and make someone smile huge smiles just by being me.

But truly, would I really want to be heartless, even for a day and possibly miss out on a moment like the above? I think not.

So, here I am, back to being me. SO EMOTIONAL. But sometimes, just sometimes, it ain't that bad.



Anonymous said...

beautiful...this really spoke to me, as so many of your post do. I think we have all had those days(or in my case years) when we just dont want to feel...but without feeling life would be so colorless...thank you so much for sharing your heart:)

aseyeseeIsee said...

Hmmm...sad. I used to have those feelings too but then met someone who washed them away from my psyche and showed me just how great it was to live rather than wallow. Not being mean or anything but that person sure helped me out of my funk (s). Too bad everyone didnt have that one someone who can get them out of those funks. I am sure happy to have someone there to do that for me.

Nice story with your son. Its great when people give you things and do unselfish things just for YOU isnt it? Really makes one feel special. It looks like your son thinks you are special.

Ekanthapadhikan said...

I can very well relate with what you're talking about. I myself am that emotional and sentimental person like you are.

And I dedicate this for you -

This is poem that I wrote in my graduation days.

2busy said...

Sometimes I wish I could feel more emotion...I guess there is a flip side to everything.

I love the story about your son. What a thoughtful boy he was...

Steve Julian said...

Those little momemtos become your bundle. I wish I had more stuff from when my kids where little like that. Memories like that. There is no value you can put on something like that.

Betty said...

Nothing can be compared with that velvet rose given to you by your adorable son. And thanks God that you are- I am -both are,emotionals.
We can feel all the true and beautiful things :)

4evernite said...

Steven, you are so right. What would life be without the colors our emotions paint? Thank you for sharing in my blues and grays and occasional yellows and reds :-)

aseye, it isn't always the case that a certain someone can wash away ALL your blues. Yes, my son does think I'm special. Or he used to and I hope he still does :-)

Ekan, I hardly know what to say to your kindness. Thank you so much for the "blue" poem. It made me smile :-)

2busy, sometimes I feel like I'm living on the flip-side. lol. But yes, I know what you mean.

Steve, you are so right, you can't be a value on moments and things like that.

Betty, truly nothing can compare to such true and beautiful things.

Thank you all for your comments. :-)

Joey said...

aww that must have been adorable.

now onto heartlessness.

i dont think you really want that, i mean being human and being happy are two totally different things.

thats part of the reason im straight edge, i want to feel things. we hide ourselves in our chemicals to try to numb feeling, any feeling. People don't feel adequate enough with there own abilities to meet people, make friends, or just have fun, so they act through external influences taken internally. while that isnt the numbness you mention, i still must disagree.

To quote Bernard Marx from the novel Brave New World. "I would rather be myself miserable than someone else happy."

4evernite said...

Joey, you are so right. Thank you for the quote, too. Much appreciated. :-)

Kerree said...

Be careful what you wish for. Sometimes certain things (one person in particular) heap so much stress and pain onto me that my heart just breaks. I literally walk around for days on end not feeling a thing, being totally numb. It does give me a break from crying and hurting all the time but I don't exactly like the feeling of not caring at all. I'm glad that I eventually get my feelings back. I know it sucks sometimes but you really wouldn't want it to go away. What if it never came back?

4evernite said...

Kerree, you are so right. Even the bad emotions are better than no feelings at all. Thanks for stopping by again. Missed ya! :-)